4 Potions Brewed - Voice

[alwaystreasured]

Failed filter to Lily Potter

[He's been trying to avoid this but it's obvious that he can't. So, he finally gives in to the urges of the curse without realizing that's exactly what he's doing.]

Lily, I feel that there is something we should discuss. A reason for why you son would end up with my memories.

Comments

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[Lily is cautious because she knows Severus has been hiding something from her--probably a great deal--and it's not like him to come clean voluntarily.]

All right...would you like me to stop by? I can apparate if you don't mind.

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

The sooner, the better.

[Before he bursts out and says it right now.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[Lily does take the time to change out of her pajamas and into actual clothes. She was in bed reading when the phone beeped with the message. It doesn't take long though. Minutes after speaking with Severus, she apparates into his house on the beach looking a bit sleep disheveled]

Severus?

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

[He can be seen standing before the fire, just staring into it. Really he shouldn't be telling her this. He resolved not to. However, Snape finds that he simply must inform her of what happened. And now it's too late to take it back because here she is.]

Lily. [How to tell someone you're dead...]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[She's a concerned expression on her face as she walks across the room to stand beside him. There are half a dozen "reasons" Harry might have Severus' memories that spring to mind. None of them are good and there's a part of her that wants to tell him not to say a word. She can't hide from it though. She's not that sort of coward. Instead she nods a bit.]

The fire is lovely. [She wouldn't know. Everyone was aware she was dead when she arrived.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

It gives me an illusion of warmth. Since I can never be warm again.

[He looks back at the flames. The way they dance and brush the warmth over his skin. He knows the spell to make himself immune to their burn but he doesn't bother with it here. It's not on his mind. There are other things he needs to think about.]

We are the same in that way.

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[Shock and confusion are slowly replaced with understanding. She doesn't want it to be true though. She reaches over and slowly takes his hand. It's not for comfort right at the moment, it's to test body temperature. Her skin doesn't warm against his the way it should. She should have realized it the other night but she was consumed with other thoughts. She swallows hard, taking several moment to say anything.]

How did it happen?

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

[He is silent for a moment before he finds the right words to tell her. It would be better if she didn't know but he can't seem to stop himself for wanting to tell her.]

The Dark Lord...Voldemort thought I was the master of the Elder Wand, a very powerful magical object. To make himself the true master, he killed me with his snake.

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[She has a different opinion of what would be better for her. She's very still for several minutes. It's a lot to take in. She's still clutching his hand but it's gone from a light test of body temperature to something hovering between comforting and clinging for strength. There are tears trickling silently down her cheeks. Everyone she knew and loved has been destroyed or broken by Voldemort. If she had to breathe, her crying would be much louder. As it is, she bites her bottom lip hard, trying to keep her tears under control and she stares very hard at the fire. She can't say anything because if she draws any breath to say anything, it'll come out in an ugly, loud sob.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

Lily...

[He has no more words. He doesn't know what will comfort her. More than likely nothing. So he reaches out to touch her face then hesitates. What if that's not the right move either. Merlin, he's terrible at this.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[When it comes right down to it, Lily is just a girl and crying girls generally like being held. When he reaches out to touch her, it's a bit like permission. There's a moments hesitation before she takes a step toward him, reaching out to grab a handful of his shirt and curl up into him. She still fighting actual breathing to be followed by sobbing.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

[And this is why he didn't want to tell her. He knew it would be better. Now he regrets telling her. However, he just couldn't keep it in. It was like something was compelling him to. So he wraps his arms around her, robes seeming to hide her in the process.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[She would have found out eventually, Severus and she would have been angry that he hadn't told her himself. She doesn't mind that his robes envelope her. They smell like the potions dungeon at Hogwarts and that is familiar and safe.She makes the mistake of relaxing enough to take a breath, still holding onto him and his robes like a life preserver, and with that breath, she breaks down a little more. The silent crying becomes actual sobs.]

He took everything!

[She manages to get the words out between sobs. It's not just Severus' death that she's crying about. It's hers, it's James', it's Dumbledore's, it's Fred's, it's Harry's childhood. This was the straw that broke the camel's back.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

I know.

[What else is there to say? It's the truth. Words of comfort really can't do any good here. There just is nothing to be said. So he falls silent and just holds her. Since he doesn't know what else to do, he can at least do that.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[There isn't really anything to be done. Her sobs sound particularly loud to her ears because she knows she should be able to hear his heartbeat. Her sobs slowly quiet because that sort of crying can't be sustained for any length of time.]

I miss him. [It's a different him now but Severus can probably guess that. This is the conversation he probably doesn't want to have with her even more than he didn't want to have the dead conversation.] So much and it doesn't seem fair that I'm here and he's not. What makes me good enough to bring back but not everyone else? Not him?

[She doesn't lump Severus in with this 'not fair you're back and he's not' equation because she is incredibly thankful that he is here for entirely selfish reasons.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

[He has no words for that. Just hearing about James is painful. However, he knew this would come up eventually. There's no way to avoid it any longer. This is what she needs and this is what he'll be here for.

To listen. To be there.

No matter how much it hurts.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[She knows it hurts and she's avoided saying anything thus far because of that but that's the problem with breaking down. It over rides all of those things she usually puts in place to keep from hurting people. She doesn't mind that he doesn't say anything. There's not anything to be said. No one can make this better for her. She relaxes completely against him, almost bonelessly, trusting Severus won't let go. After a few minutes she speaks again.]

I'm sorry.

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

There is nothing for you to apologize for.

[This is what being a friend is about. To be willing to listen even if he doesn't want to hear what she has to say. He knows that Harry and James are her family. While he doesn't have to like it, he does accept that it's the reality of the situation.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[And regardless of how their friendship progresses, that will never change. She, at best, will begin to regard him as also part of her family alongside Harry and James. He'll be delighted should that development ever occur. Lily can be sarcastic too.

Honestly, her apology was more about acknowledging that the topic of conversation hurts him than anything. She had warned him previously when he offered to be the person she talks to that this topic would come up.]

I'm dripping all over your robes.

[And that's when she attempts to pull back a bit and notices she's 'glued' to him for lack of a better word. Her tone of voice is slightly irritated and quite confused when she speaks again.]

Severus...what's going on?

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

[He notices that she's not pulling away right away and frowns. That's not how this works. She pulls away and they part. End of story. However, she appears to be...stuck to him.

It must be...]

...a curse.

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[She stops struggling and sighs.]

At least I don't want to bite you. I seem to be making it a trend to keep you up at night thanks to the City.

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

It has become a habit of yours, I've noticed.

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[She laughs a little but it sounds tired and apologetic in some way.]

I apologize. Who knew being friends again would mean slumber parties.

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

If it's going to continue to be like this, I really should just make you up a room here.

[Which isn't a bad idea even if he is doing his form of teasing.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[He gets a smirk in response and she's going to tease him back.]

I might even let you decorate it. Considering the job you've done here.

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

I've done just fine.

[It has the bare essentials. What else is it supposed to have?]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

Severus, I was trying to give you a compliment. You should take it.

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

[Subject change time.]

Would you care to attempt to sit down?

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

I think we ought to. I'd rather not spend the evening standing. Perhaps on the sofa?

[He does have a habit of changing the subject when he doesn't like the current one.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

Of course.

[Defense tactic. He hasn't outgrown it.]

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

[She knows and honestly she doesn't expect that he had. He would have had to be a very different person with a very different life in order to outgrow it.

There's some shuffling and an attempt to try and walk backwards or sideways or something without stepping on his feet or his robes. It's more difficult than it sounds or maybe it sounds precisely as difficult as it is.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

This is decidedly more complicated than it should be.

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

A bit, yes but I'm not certain how to make it easier.

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking there is no way to make it easier at this rate.

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

I think you're probably right. [And then her leg hits the sofa.] Now how shall we go about doing this? [Because she suspects sitting down is going to be a good deal more difficult.]

[alwaystreasured.livejournal.com]

[One moment. He's figuring that out.]

Our legs will be tangled no matter what we do.

[alwaysadoe.livejournal.com]

Then perhaps we ought to just sort of...aim to land on our sides? [It's going to be awkward but perhaps they can get settled well enough to be comfortable.]